SINGAPORE.

Singapore.

There are a lot of things I know but one thing I did not know was you. This feels like the last time I am going to visit you. Something changed about you, I grew fonder. I was inspired. To read, to write to love. Love myself, of course. Even though what I have for you is definitely not love,  but there is something about you now, that made me fond of you.  I thank you for being amazing this time.  I met some amazing people within you today. I found some amazing spots, went to my dream places. Places I had always wanted to visit as a kid. I spent quality time with you. I moved along to my music. I worked on my dreams, I saw myself where I want to see myself and you gave me hope that I will get there. Quite soon. Dousing my cigarette, taking a sip of my beer, here is my open letter to you.  You deserve one.

Before coming here, I was in a very weird place. Getting drunk way faster than usual. Hanging out with people who constantly used to defy me. Deny me the right of being right. I was bitter. The kind of bitter that you do not realize until the bitterness hits you in the back of your tongue, travelling all the way down through your esophagus and finally spreading inside your entire body. Creating a bitter person, one who would see the negative in everything. One who would talk about things in the most disgusting way one could imagine. What was worse than being bitter was the fact that I was somehow, enjoying it. It became my own little piece of heaven. The kind of heaven which is not talked about. The kind of heaven, which cannot be described by words. Which cannot be described by art. I was there and I enjoyed every part of it. But not anymore.

Before coming here, I was skeptical. I was not sure about how I was going to cope with anything. I had just left my favorite café, on my way to visit a friend. It was then when everything changed. It was then when I tasted that bitterness within me. And I did not like it one bit. But I could feel it leaving my body. As I sat there, at the bus stop, waiting to be exposed to the expressions of tired and bored people who were to commute in the same vehicle as me, I could feel it, leaving each and every crevice of my body. That was when I knew, that I will not be coming back to you again. That was when I realized that I would actually miss you. I went to the beach after that. Seeing the waves crashing against each other has always calmed the storm within me.

I could feel my intuition getting stronger by the day. I was meeting people who had nothing but just positive energy around them. I could feel myself being that person I was once, happy, and full of joy. The person who would find little joys in everything around her. The person who could see her pain and be able to joke about it. The person, who could see her pain and be able to

Joke about it.

There is nothing better than being complimented for the way you think. At least for me. When people start talking me, they tell me things about me, like they have never met anybody like me. That they have never seen anybody like me. That they have never known anybody like me who thinks the way I do. Does things the way I do. I do not want to be told I am beautiful, or hot, or pretty. I am past that stage where I wanted people to just flock towards me for the way I look, dress and carry myself off. I want to know that what makes me different. What makes them want to talk to me apart from my look. I want them to tell me things they do not understand so that we can understand them together. I want them to show me the way they see things so I can be able to see them too. I want to see from their viewpoints. I want to think in every way one can think. What makes them think the way they think what they do? What makes them be the way they are? What makes them bitter, so that we can figure a way out to get that taste out of their system. So that we can figure out a way to make them understand the taste of bitterness just in hopes that if they feel that way the next time, they can figure out what is wrong before it is too late.

I do not really know how else I can extend my thanks to you. I do not know what other way I can make you see what you have done for me. The only things I know when it comes to expression is that I can put them in words. I hope you will understand if this may not seem enough. I hope you will understand like you made me understand.

Today is my last night in town. We have ridden in the waves of excessive alcohol. We have danced in the smoke my cigarettes have given out. We have shone bright in the dim places where people are too scared to dance. We have fallen in love with ourselves and we have seen what it is to be like respected. We have slept in the mornings in places that do not belong to us. With people who want to see us again and again. These are the things I have done with you. These are the things we have done with each other. And I can only say thank you. And I can only say,

Grazie.

Grazie mille.